50 Insanely Relatable And Funny Quotes About Toddlers

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50 Insanely Relatable And Funny
Quotes About Toddlers  

Toddlers are…well, they’re a lot. They’re the sweetest, messiest, funniest, and most fascinating creatures. Life’s never boring when you’re a parent of a toddler. You’ll definitely relate to these quotes about toddlers if you’ve ever encountered one!

quotes about toddlers

I must admit having a toddler can be really challenging, but damn it’s also so much fun! They test limits while pushing you to yours. They can have a meltdown or a giggle attack out of nowhere it seems, anywhere. But man, the love and laughter they bring to each and every day is something truly unique. This collection of quotes about toddlers is so relatable. Some had me laughing so hard! I thought only my sweet, little monster does those things, but no, they’re all equally…interesting! I’m sure you’ll relate to them as well!

50 Quotes About Toddlers

#1 “I love toddlers, but they are a tough audience.” – Robin Williams

#2 “Cleaning the house with a toddler is like trying to rake leaves during a tornado.”

#3 “Toddlers: The face of a baby; The attitude of a teenage girl; And, the ability to go from angel to psychopath in 2.7 seconds flat.”

quotes about toddlers

#4 “Sleeping with a toddler is like sharing your bed with a drunk octopus looking for its car keys!”

#5 “The toddler must say no in order to find out who she is. The adolescent says no to assert who she is not.” – Louise Kaplan

#6 “The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.” – Ramblin Mama

#7 “Toddlers are germ-warfare machines in a cute package.” – Debora Geary

quotes about toddlers

#8  “A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.” – Jerry Seinfeld

#9 “You can say “please” and “thank you” a million times and your toddler will never repeat it, but if you say “a**-faced mother f*****” ONCE…” – Henpecked Hal

#10 “A toddler can do more in an unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.”

#11 “Your toddler will be ‘good’ if he feels like doing what you happen to want him to do and does not happen to feel like doing anything you would dislike.” – Penelope Leach

#12 “Toddlers, on the other hand, are able to wreak havoc vertically and with velociraptor-like speed.”- Mike Spohr

#13 “Toddler rule #1: Always supervise your Mom’s bathroom trips.”

#14 “Toddlers are active explorers. They eagerly try new things and use materials in different ways. Toddlers want to be independent and they have a strong sense of ownership.” – Janet Gonzalez-Mena

#15 “A mother of a one-year-old boy is a movie star in a world without critics.” – Allison Pearson

#16 “Toddlers don’t like to eat from their own plates. It’s far too predictable. They much prefer raining on your own food parade by picking at your meal. When toddlers do this, it’s their way of saying, “Motherfucker, I own you.” If you’ve never tried to enjoy food while having a dirty, chubby toddler hand that has probably recently been up her butt reach onto your plate and pull off your last slice of bacon, you’re living the dream.”- Bunmi Laditan

#17 “The sun was a toddler insistently refusing to go to bed.”- John Green

#18 “Communicating with a toddler is difficult. It’s like trying to explain what color number 4 smells like..”

#19 “Your toddler will be good if he feels like doing what you happen to want him to do and does not happen to feel like doing anything you would dislike. With a little cleverness, you can organize life as a whole, and issues in particular so that you both want the same thing most of the time.” – Penelope Leach

#20 “With toddlers around, times are always interesting.” – Beth Ann Fennelly

#21 “Be Kind to Everyone You Meet. You don’t know if they have a toddler at home.” – Smashed Peas and Carrots

#22 “When your toddlers are teenagers don’t forget to wake them up at 4:45 Am to tell them your sock came off.” – Dumpaday

#23 “Toddlers are like the worst inmates. When they’re not lying to your face and tearing up your shit, they’re napping, pooping, or trying to think of different ways to fuck with you.” – Karin Slaughter

#24 “There should be an energy drink called 6 AM Toddler.” – Simon Holland

#25 “The fundamental job of a toddler is to rule the universe.” – Lawerence Kutner

#26 “Talking to a drunk person was like talking to an extremely happy, severely brain-damaged three-year-old.” – John Green


#27 “Toddlers are like tiny Banksys who want their work to be seen on the biggest canvas possible, and in your home that canvas is your walls.”- Mike Spohr

#28 “Nothing says we’re going to be 7 hours late like my toddler yelling, “Nooo! Don’t help me!” 

#29 “Making a toddler laugh is all fun and games until they beg you to do it over and over again while you slowly lose your freaking mind.” 

#30 Whenever a toddler sees a pile of blocks, he wants to tear it down. – J. J. Abrams

#31 Just because you can thrill a toddler by chewing with your mouth open doesn’t mean you should. – Michael Nesmith

#32 “One of my favorite things is watching a toddler stumble around a wedding dance floor like they’ve had four vodkas and are looking for someone to fight.” – Elizabeth Hackett

#33 “Give a toddler a fish, and you feed them for a day. Teach a toddler to fish, and they will make you do it for them anyway.” – HomeWithPeanut

#34 Well, let me break down toddlers for you. They eat, sleep, poop, and play. Help ’em out with any one of those things, and you’re gold. – Maggie Lockwood

#35 “Just overheard my toddler say “uh-oh” from the other room, which either means I need to retrieve a toy from behind the couch or we need to change our identities and move out of state again.” – TheCatWhisprer

#36 The toddler craves independence, but he fears desertion. – Dorothy Corkille Briggs

#37 “When kids hit one year old, it’s like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit.” – Johnny Depp

#38 “I wasn’t really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I’d read about them, and occasionally I’d see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong.” – Ray Romano

#39 “Having a two-year-old is very hard. I feel like I’m in a relationship with an emotionally unstable woman who is also physically abusive and never gets in trouble for it.” – Ali Wong

#40 “Sometimes you need to talk to a two-year-old just so you can understand life again.”

#41 In a houseful of toddlers and pets, you can start out having a bad day, but you keep getting detoured. – Robert Breault

#42 To a toddler, even a simple walk around the block is a great adventure. My toddler doesn’t walk with any destination in mind. She takes it one step at a time, and every step or so, there is something that must be investigated. – Alice Callahan

#43 Taking care of a toddler is a marathon in itself. – John Diggle

#44 “Being pregnant and having a toddler, as every parent says, is amazing. You’re very tired, but it’s so wonderful.” – Drew Barrymore

#45 “No, officer, I haven’t been drinking; My child just needed to hand me everything from the back seat.”

#46 “Living with kids is like living in a frat house… everything’s broken, nobody sleeps, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Everybody Loves Raymond

#47 “You don’t know fear, until a toddler tries to put sunglasses on your face, when you’re not expecting it.” – Paige Kellerman

#48 “Bedtime is the leading cause of dehydration in children.” – Kountry Cuties

#49 “Hell hath no fury like a toddler who wanted the green cup instead of the orange one.” –mum’s grapevine

#50 “What’s it like having a toddler? Imagine raising a heavily caffeinated chimpanzee who is allergic to sleep.” – Digital Mom

50 Funny And Relatable Quotes About Toddlers