It’s time for you to stop playing small
and start owning it!
Do you apologize or belittle yourself while getting a compliment? Do you always put the needs of others first? Are you avoiding confrontations? Are you talking yourself out of going after what you truly desire?
Don’t shrink yourself, be unapologetic, own it!
Yes, you can be kind and humble at the same time.
“You playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightening about shrinking so others won’t feel insecure around you. As you let your own light shine, you indirectly give others permission to do the same.” — Marianne Williamson
There might be a lot of overly confident people out there these days. Confident without being competent and if you’re reading this post, you might fear becoming like that, so you rather play small. However, you know there are also a lot of truly self-confident people, who shine bright, are of service to others without playing small or neglecting themselves.
It’s possible to be both confident and humble. Unapologetic and kind.
So why would you please people and make sure no one feels uncomfortable because of you, even if it’s at the expense of your own comfort, joy, and peace? It’s time to stop that and start owning it!
Own the time, own the conversation, own the room, own your feelings, own your thoughts, own your dreams, own your opinions, own a compliment, own your mistakes…. Just OWN it.
And do not worry, owning your truth is all about you, it has nothing to do with others. So don’t worry, you won’t be boastful or obnoxious or stupid or rude or steal someone’s thunder. Quite the opposite.
Confidence, competence, being unapologetic. Many times you can’t fully experience them without first meeting and overcoming resistance, feeling like an impostor, or playing small. For many of us, they are inextricably linked.
Own A Compliment And Own Your Accomplishments
Let’s start with what seems so easy, but for many of us, doesn’t come naturally. Owning a compliment.
How many of us feel awkward while receiving a compliment, whether it’s about our contribution, our personality, or even our looks. “Oh, that’s nothing”, “Oh, I was just lucky”, “Oh that dress? It was on sale”, “No, you did amazing!”. If your response to a compliment usually sounds anything like that, you got some work to do. Start OWNING it. You’re worthy, you accomplished something. Stop assuming the other person doesn’t mean it, feels obliged to be nice, or will think that you’re arrogant if you welcome their compliment. Someone chooses to give you positive feedback, just take it. Don’t give them a hard time about it, making them work for it or making them feel awkward about it.
Just smile and simply say thank you. Easy, right? It will take some practice, but with time it will feel like a natural thing to do. Not boastful or whatever else you might fear taking a compliment would make you look like. What is more, you will be more confident giving compliments and it will feel more genuine to do so as you won’t expect anything in return. There are times to give compliments and times to simply take some. It doesn’t have to be this back and forth, trading one compliment for another, deflecting the kind words you got.
Be Unapologetic
Do you seem to be in the “uncomfortable” or “exposed” position no matter what side you’re on? What I mean by that is always being the one feeling bad, wanting to apologize, shrinking yourself, and avoiding any confrontation.
Let’s say there’s a mixup with an order. If you’re the one making the “complaint call”, you feel bad or insecure, you don’t wanna be difficult. But if you’d be the one receiving the call you’d also be the one feeling bad, wanting to apologize and not cause any trouble. If that’s you (I know that used to be me) you see how little sense that makes. Why do some of us always feel like we screwed something up, even if it’s no one’s fault, or simply like we’re the ones who are supposed to be the problem-solvers, the perfect helpers? You’re not always the one to blame, hell, no one needs to be blamed. There are so many situations in life where you just gotta relax. This also seems to be connected to making yourself smaller, feeling undeserving of attention, of great service, and so on. But you are deserving, we all are! Own your space, own your needs, and yes, if you are wrong or actually did screw up, own your mistake and move on.
Confidence & Competence
Competence comes from taking action, from experience and so it grows with time. As it does, so can and should your confidence, cause…
“Self-confidence without competence is of as little use as is competence without self-confidence.”
– Bernice Milburn Moore
Nonetheless, we struggle. We question ourselves, we’re scared. The good news is:
“If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), “Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?” chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death.”
― Steven Pressfield, The War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle
You are a writer if you write, you are a singer if you sing, you are a cook if you cook. It doesn’t have to be perfect from the get-go, but you gotta actually do it, not just daydream or talk about it.
The things we do consistently determine who we are.
“Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today. It’s been that way all this year. It’s been that way so many times.― Ernest Hemingway
You might not be a highly paid, well-known author, but if you write every day you are more of a writer than if you never start taking action and are only thinking about it. Feeling like you are a writer without ever actually writing? So then when someone asks you what you do or love doing you wanna say writing, but then you realize you don’t remember the last time you wrote something. So you feel like a fraud…once again. And all because you might fear that what you would write wouldn’t be the best piece of work the world has ever seen. Well, guess what? You’re right, it certainly won’t be. It might even be total crap. But you only have a chance of discovering your voice and improving in whatever it is you wanna do if you actually do it. Over and over and over again.
Plus if you’re true to yourself, stop waiting for people’s permission and stop worrying about what they will think or say, it’s most likely then when you will create your best work.
“I own it, they love it” – Shan Boodram
Own Your Dreams And Goals
For yourself, not for others. And here’s why. I believe that we are not only playing small to make others feel comfortable. It’s not always someone else we fear or blame. It usually starts with ourselves. Thinking small, dreaming small.
Besides, I’m not a fan of sharing your dreams and goals with everyone. Most people won’t get it, won’t be as excited about it as you are, won’t be as supportive as you’d hope them to be. So more action, less talking is what I think a good way to go about it. Results will show, people will know soon enough. Until then keep your daydreams to yourself. Keep your fire to yourself, don’t let people piss on it when it’s still small and there’s a chance of someone putting it out.
Own your dreams and make them big. Be bold enough to take the first step, to fight resistance, to give it a try.
Oh, resistance…
“Resistance is always lying and always full of shit.”
― Steven Pressfield, The War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle
“Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”
― Steven Pressfield, The War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle
And so I hope you take a compliment with a smile today. Start something new you always wanted to try. Keep working on what you’re doing now and see your confidence grow. Make that call you’ve been avoiding. Make your dreams bigger or…don’t! Have the courage to show full satisfaction with where you are in life right now. If you’re where you wanna be, don’t join the “hustle nation” just to feel relevant or fit other’s definitions of success. Create your own and own them.
